Do you need to tighten loose skin on your neck or under your arm? If you are over fifty like me, then you probably do.
After I turned 50 I started to notice some embarrassing loose skin under my arms and under my chin. Even though I am pretty healthy and thin, I can’t seem to get rid of it.
I discovered that this is normal for most women over 50 because as our hormones change through menopause we loose collagen. I suppose we can’t change mother nature.
Or can we?
The good news is, apparently there are a few things I can do to help improve this problem. No of course we can’t turn back time, but we can improve the situation and make it better.
I was watching this video by Eric Berg about the topic and learned that in order to improve the loose skin problem that I’m having, I need to work on raising my growth hormone and lower my cortisol.
It is actually easier than you would think, and I am also doing many things already. Here is what I learned.
I need to raise my growth hormone by doing the following:
High Intensity Exercise will help raise the growth hormone, but first I need to start with low intensity exercise and get comfortable with that.
I should get a good nights sleep. Fortunately I already sleep well. I go to bed every night around 11 and wake up around 7. I fall asleep easily and sleep through the night.
I need to make sure I’m getting enough protein without going overboard.
Do intermittent fasting. Although it sounds hard, I realized that I do it already while I sleep. What I learned is to not eat in between meals at all because grazing hurts the liver and I don’t want to hurt my liver.
I also need to lower Cortisol and Lower Insulin. To do this I need to do some low intensity exercise daily. This seems easy. I just need to make some time to walk every day.
It is also important to keep making sure I continue to get enough sleep and avoid stress.
I learned the hard way in my past that stress can really do serious damage to your body. That is why I think the best thing I did for my health was to get a divorce a few years back.
I am so much more healthy now at 52 than I was at 49.
Taking care of my diet is important as well. I need to eat more green veggies which are high in potassium. I need more b vitamins and I need to cut out sugar which is something I’m doing already.
It is also important to support the liver because the liver is what the growth hormone works through, so if you do the above, you will be supporting your liver.
The good news is, I’m already doing most of this already. I really need to get into doing some low intensity walking. I do a lot of walking already, but I need to do it daily and keep track of the amount of time I’m doing it.
Something else I’m going to add to my routine is drinking bone broth.
I have long blond hair that has been really damaged over the years.
1st of all over the last 10 years my hair texture has changed. It has become thinner, yet courser. It is dry and breaks off very easily.
And as my hair is getting grey streaks, I noticed that my natural blond is becoming this ugly mousy blond color. So I have been coloring my hair in order to bring it back to it’s natural color. And of course this is making my hair even more dry.
But I did find a few solutions that I wanted to share with anyone who is over fifty and having some of the same issues I’m having.
First of all when I wash my hair, I only wash my scalp. The entire head gets washed as the shampoo is rinsed out, but it helps to not dry out your roots.
Then with the conditioner, I only condition the ends. This way my roots don’t get too heavy.
Then after towel drying my hair, I use a bit of argon oil.
I love this stuff!
Argan oil is is an organic oil that comes from an Argan tree that is native to Morocco. The organic Moroccan argan oil is great for aging hair as it is a great moisturizer. It is also naturally very healing and protective. It also is great for skin. But I love it on my hair!
There are lots of organic moroccan argan oil products out there and they can be very costly. But the one I use is Organix Renewing Moroccan Argan Penetrating Oil. It is very inexpensive and you will love the results it gives you.
After adding the argon oil to my hair I comb it out and blow it dry.
It makes my hair very shiny and silky. I get lots of compliments on it and my hair doesn’t look like the hair of someone over 50.
Do you have any over 50 hair tricks that you use?
Going through a divorce is difficult and it can be even more difficult doing it during midlife. Not only is it a sad and stressful time, but it is a lot of work. And there are many changes that need to be made and things to consider.
One major decision I had to consider while ending my 24 year marriage was the name change after divorce.
There are many different opinions on the idea of taking back your maiden name after divorce. It is a personal decision. For me, I decided I wanted to take my name back.
I did it for a few reasons.
The first and most important reason is that it gave me the feeling of being in change and in control of my life. For 24 years I feel like I sort of lost my self as I played the role of “the good wife” and mother. This was something that I needed to do for me.
This is my way of putting myself first for the first time in many years. His last name was his, not mine. And since I’m the one who is requested the divorce I felt it only right to go back to my maiden name.
His new wife (should he ever remarry) should be the one to use his name.
I had a few people remind me that my kids would have a different last name than me. But although I know it will be a bit weird for them, I feel they will be able to deal with it as they are all adults.
My girls will eventually marry and may decide to use their husbands name. And I have discussed it with them. They understand and support me.
Fortunately I was living in Maryland when I filed for divorce. Maryland makes it real easy to take your name back. It is actually a part of the paperwork. Simply check off that you want your name back.
The hard work which is a pain is when you need to change your social security number back and your drivers licence back. But I’m willing to do the work.
This week I just got the final divorce papers letting me know that my name has official changed back to the original name on my birth certificate.
I feel so excited and free. I almost feel like a new person.
Everyone is different when it comes to how they feel about a name chance after divorce. I think it is up to the individual to decide what works best for them.
As I have gotten older I have really become more open minded and much more layed back. I realized that it is perfectly fine if peoples beliefs are different than mine. This is what makes each of us uniuque.
The more I thought about it, I realized that without even being aware of it, I wasn’t thinking for myself for most of my life. And worse many of my belief systems were not my own.
Here is what I mean.
I think that a lot of what people believe and have believed for years are beliefs that were taught to them as small children by their parents, teachers, preachers, grandparents.
And many of the beliefs that we have are good and true to us. But some may not be true to us.
So I made a decision in my early 40’s to become a critical thinker.
A critical thinker is someone who is able to clearly look at a belief and come up with the honest answer to the question “Is this true?”. I like to ask myself this question…
Is this something that was taught to me? Or do I really find this to be true.
Many of my beliefs didn’t even make sense and I don’t know who I learned them from. But in changing my beliefs, I have been able to become free.
For example, I had a belief growing up that I was poor. And through most of my life I believed this. My parents never once said we were poor, but their actions and comments they made my entire child hood gave me the belief that I was poor and probably would always be poor.
I picked up on the fact that money was really tight. My Mom always reminded us that preachers, like my Father, didn’t make much money. Some of the things I heard as a child were,
- “I’m making a poor man’s meal for dinner.”
- “We can’t afford that.”
- “I don’t have the money for that.”
Without even relizing it, I would hear myself saying the same things to my kids. And I realized that I had a belief that I was poor. And this certainly isn’t true.
I think it is true with many people who believe certain things. I think what may have been true for my parents were not true for me.
When kids are young they pick up on the beliefs of their parents.
Here are some beliefs that are taught to kids without parents even realizing it. A child only needs to overhear a conversation to pick up a belief.
- “If you are over weight, you are ugly.”
- “My race is better than another race.”
- “I am not worth loving.”
- “Money is the root of evil.”
- “If I don’t go to college, I’m not smart.”
- “I’m not smart enough.”
I am learning to embrace the differences in others and I want to be open to changing my thoughts. I realize that my beliefs may not necessarily be true for my soul.
When I became a critical thinker I realized I opened up so much more of an opportunity to find happiness. Think about your life. Do you have a belief that may not be true? Or is it something you were taught by an authority figure?
For many years, actually most of my life, I spent people pleasing. I wanted to be the perfect friend, wife and employee. I wanted to be liked and appreciated. I spent many years trying to make others happy. And worked really hard to live up to their expectations.
In the long run, I ended up really unhappy. It was hard work trying to make everyone’s life better. And instead of people giving back, I often found that I was taken for granted and used. Which of course ended up with resentment.
I ended up very bitter and depressed. I didn’t like where my life was or the person that I had become.
I had such anxiety all the time. I was constantly worried about what people thought about me. It took a lot of work and effort to try to be perfect all the time.
About 10 years ago I had a friend. Really, he was more of a mentor. He was a successful business owner who started out broke and is now a millionaire. He and I spoke on the phone and connected over the internet. He did a lot of training for network marketers. Long story short, he really helped save my life.
One day we were talking about my problem with trying to please everyone and my worry about what they thought of me. His response wasn’t something that I expected…
He said, “Honestly, Wendy, It really isn’t any of your business what others think of you.”
But I disagreed. Of course it is my business if their thoughts are about me. But then after a lot of back and forth it really started to sink in.
Someone else’s personal thoughts really are none of my business.
Then he said something that made me laugh, but made perfect sense. He said, “I bet they are thinking the same thing about you.”
So I decided right then and there to stop the worry and anxiety. This became my mantra. I know longer care what others think. I only focus on me and what I can do to make myself happy.
I know it sounds selfish. But remember when I said how unhappy I was trying to please everyone? Well I discovered that when I focused on what felt good to me and made me happy, I ended up making the people around me happier. And people began to treat me differently. They respected me and my time.
I became a stronger woman. I am the one in control. Today I am creating my own happiness.
So, It is none of my business what others think of me!
Today I own my life. I’m the one in control and I don’t care what others think. What about you? Have you ever had to change your way of thinking? I would love to here from you.
Uncovering And Embracing Our Authentic Selves
For me, entering into midlife was a time for me to begin to find myself. Like many women I was feeling really stuck. I felt like my entire first half of my life was dedicated to others. It was about making people happy. And often, it meant sacrificing my own happiness.
I put my family first. And that was fine with me. I wanted a large family and I feel like my kids gave me everything that I always wanted. I had a wonderful time raising my kids. And I have to say they turned into terrific adults.
So as I moved into midlife and my children got older, I found, they needed me less. And it was then that I decided to focus on my life. I wanted to figure out who I was and what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.
I love midlife because for the first time in my life I got to be a tiny bit selfish. It was uncomfortable at first, but I realized that I needed to take care of me. I needed to put me first in my life.
So I took some time and reflected back on what I have accomplished so far in my life. And really looked hard at what was in my heart. I had to really get into my heart and soul and figure out what I really want and need in my life. I realized in order to find your authentic self you need to really go within.
Once I found my authentic self I decided to focus on what is really important and what feels good. I have to say this time in my life is so happy and fulfilling. I am really content.
If you are entering midlife and feeling like your life is a bit out of control, then know you are completely normal. Look at this time as an amazing spiritual time to really find yourself. And you can have fun doing it.
A book that helped me and I highly recommend is Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life: How to Finally, Really Grow Up, by James Hollis.
This book will help to guide you on your journey of really finding your true self. It gets you to ask questions of yourself that you may have never asked.
Here are a few that really got me thinking…
“What does the soul ask of me?”
“Who am I apart from my roles, apart from my history?”
“What does it mean that I am here?”
Has anyone else experienced feeling sort of lost during midlife? How did you find your true self or are you still seeking?
Today I wanted to take a moment to talk about the fear of dating online.
I’m writing this post because I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who has been single for the last few years. She has shared with me that she is really lonely and doesn’t want to be alone as she gets older. But she simply hasn’t met anyone yet.
I can relate to how she feels. Finding yourself single in midlife can be difficult. And putting yourself out there and dating again can be really scary. Especially if you have had a partner for a good part of your life.
My suggestion to her was to do what I did, go check out some dating sites for people over 50.
Her reaction was very negative. The thought of meeting someone online was scary for her. She was worried that it would cost a lot of money or she would put herself in danger.
I explained to her that there are many free dating websites that are really good. There are two free dating websites in particular that I really liked. One of those two sites, OKCupid, is where I met the man I am dating. The other free website is called plentyoffish.com.
The thing I really like I about these sites is they have you answer questions. It is sort of a survey. There are questions related to life, sex, religion, politics and relationships as well as other things. It is really important to answer all of the questions honestly. You will be given potential mates, based on how you answered the questions.
Sample question: Do you like cats? a) Yes! I have cat(s) b) no I’m allergic c) I don’t own a cat, but I like them. d) I hate cats.
The way it works is when someone goes to your profile they can read your questions and answers, but they can only read the ones they have already answered. If they want to read how you answered a question, they need to answer it first.
There is also a place where you can write comments to explain your answer.
If you have found yourself single in midlife, now may be the time to join a dating site. You don’t have to meet anyone you don’t want to. Get online and start checking out some profiles, maybe even chat with someone. Then if you feel comfortable with someone, you can arrange to meet them in a public place like a Denny’s or a Panera Bread.
I know that dating in midlife can be so scary. But it is so worth it. You never know, you may meet your new prince charming, like I did.
Here are 5 top dating sites people over 50:
Plenty of Fish
Someone suggested that you can decide how long you want to live. Once you decide you can divide that number in half. If this is true, than I certainly am in midlife as I am 50,
But, really “What age is middle age?”
For me, middle age, can’t be defined by a number. We are all different. And I honestly hate labels. For me middle age was when my life transitioned from taking care of others to taking care of me.
I no longer need to drive people to sports events. I no longer have to cook large meals. And my house no longer needs to be cleaned as often. There are fewer dishes in the sink. And it is quieter. I can sleep in if I want. And do my own thing.
I also think middle age is a time of re-evaluating your dreams. When you are younger, you have lots of dreams and desires. And over time, you may follow those dreams or not. But really you can do just about anything you want to do.
But most importantly middle age is the age that you lighten up! I am much wiser than I was when I was younger. And now when there is a crisis, I have realized that I am much more likely to deal with it fearlessly. I also know that there really is two sides to every story. And I know worry doesn’t solve anything. So I choose to lighten up and just deal with life’s happenings.
What age is middle age? It really is up to you. You get to decide when you are middle aged. For me, my life is really different then it was 10 years ago. It is really crazy but in a good and fun way. I guess that is why I named this website Midlife Madness!
They say it is normal to get the blues when yours children leave the home. And I thought I was prepared. Well, the tears and emotions hit me unexpectedly and I realized it was time to be honest and admit that I have empty nest depression.
But who cares what tag or name I use for it? The bottom line is my children are going on with their lives.
I am happy and excited for them, yet I feel so sad.
I was feeling so proud of myself. Here I am, separated at fifty years of age. I have been feeling wonderful, living my life to the fullest. And I have been proud of myself.
I really have been doing an excellent job at going through this “midlife change.” And it is a complete transition. Over the last few years, it seems nothing is the same. Over the last few years, I left my husband and set up residence for myself and my two youngest children.
It was such a relief to make these positive changes. As a mid-lifer, I made some significant changes. My kids were older so they didn’t need me as much. And life is great!
Then I find myself in this depressed funky state. And I realized that I have empty nest syndrome. And its no wonder. Over the last 2 weeks, my oldest daughter got engaged, My middle child moved out on her own and this weekend my son will graduate high school.
And I found myself moody and depressed rather than excited and happy, like I should be.
So I decided to take an honest look at my feelings and I realized that I was simply being normal. Of course, I’m going to feel sad and maybe even a bit lonely. I had spent the majority of my life taking care of my family.
So I went through the process of mourning…
I went through a 4 step process in dealing with the sadness of an empty nest. Here are those steps…
1: Cry – I don’t care what anyone says…crying helps in healing your soul. I think that tears help to wipe away the fears and the worries. So just let it all out. Cry as much as you want.
2: Embrace the feelings: I realized it was okay to feel a little down. Of course I feel sad. I love my kids and I wont get to see them as much as I would like. There is no reason to feel guilty about your feelings.
3: Talk it out: I have a wonderful friend who is an excellent listener. He doesn’t tell me my feelings are wrong or that I am over reacting. He simply listens. He lets me know that it is okay if I feel lonely and sad.
My biggest worry about dealing with an empty nest was that no one would need me. And my friend asked me if that was true? I realized it wasn’t true at all. My kids will always need me. And it is funny, while my friend and I were discussing this, my oldest daughter called me. She just needed my opinion on something. And I just smiled ear to ear, because I realized that it was true. My kids will always need me just like I will always need them.
4: Get excited about what life has to offer you: This same friend reminded me about all the exciting things I have to look forward to. He pointed out that although I will miss my daughter, I will no longer have to wake up at 6 am to drive her to work. When it comes to cooking, I don’t have to make a meal if I don’t want to. I can just make something simple just for me.
I have so much more freedom than I ever did with children in the house.
The reason I shared this with you is because I want you to know that I think it is okay to be emotional when your children leave the nest. Cry and get it out of your system. But don’t do it for too long, because you have an exciting future ahead of you!
Listen up, because I am going to tell you a secret.
This is a secret that took me many years to get. And it took me even more years to trust it. Now I do. Now I’m living my life to the fullest.
Want to know the secret? It is pretty simple.
Happiness is a choice… Yes it is!
The problem is we spend so much time going to work, taking care of the family and doing for others that we forget to live our life.
And as a mid-lifer I know how fast life goes by. I don’t know about you, but I want to live my life to the fullest.
Here is that I learned that helped me to find happiness.
I learned to Listen to my inner voice. Believe it or not, this is hard for many people. We have so much chatter going on inside that we cant here that little voice inside that has something to say.
So how do you hear that little voice? You do it with silence. Meditation is popular because it quiets the mind so you can hear what your soul has to say. But the word meditation tends to scare many people. So let me just say find a quiet place, your car, a warm bath, your back yard….and be silent. Just be with yourself.
After you do this a few times, you will begin to hear that little voice and you will begin to find the answers you seek.
And of course the other side of this is to stop Listening to the Chatter and noise. This was difficult for me. Because I spent most of my adult life doing for others. I spend most of my time making other people happy. I made sure my husband and children were taken care of. And somehow I lost myself.
Stop doing what others want you to do, and do what you want to do. Do what is right for you.
This step is about taking care of yourself first. Do something nice for yourself. It is okay to let others take care of themselves as well.
The most amazing word I learned with this step was “no”. It was a freeing word for me. I love my family. But as a woman of 50 with grown adults as children, I realized I was hindering their happiness by not letting them find themselves.
It isn’t my job to create happiness for others. I can only create my own happiness.
Learn to love yourself. Know that you are unique and beautiful. You are a blessing. Love yourself and you will find happiness.
A few years ago, it was suggested that I look in the mirror at myself every day. And look deeply into my own eyes. I started doing this and then I say to myself. “I love you”.
At first it was hard. I cried. I realized that I didn’t love myself first. But I can do it now. It took time to realize that I really deserve happiness. I realize that I am me and I am the perfect me. I am not perfect but I am unique and I am me.
We I came from the other side I came by myself. And when I go back to the other side I will be by myself. I can’t take my parents, kids or lover with me. It will be about me. And that is why I think it is so important to listen to my soul.
I have learned that in finding myself, but listening to my voice I am truly happy. And although at first my family thought I was being selfish. They quickly saw how happy I was and enjoyed being around me more. I am much lighter and care free. I like being selfish. Because really my life is about me. I’d rather be selfish than self-less.
I am a happy woman, who is living each day to the fullest. I am creating my own life and living it the way I want. Today I am blessed.
Are you selfish? Or Self-less?