Creating Happiness, Middle Age Challenges, Midlife Crisis

How To Find Yourself When You Feel Stuck

Right in My Soul by Philippe Sainte-Laudy / image courtesy of allposters.com

Uncovering And Embracing Our Authentic Selves

For me, entering into midlife was a time for me to begin to find myself. Like many women I was feeling really stuck. I felt like my entire first half of my life was dedicated to others. It was about making people happy. And often, it meant sacrificing my own happiness.

I put my family first. And that was fine with me. I wanted a large family and I feel like my kids gave me everything that I always wanted. I had a wonderful time raising my kids. And I have to say they turned into terrific adults.

So as I moved into midlife and my children got older, I found, they needed me less. And it was then that I decided to focus on my life. I wanted to figure out who I was and what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.

I love midlife because for the first time in my life I got to be a tiny bit selfish. It was uncomfortable at first, but I realized that I needed to take care of me. I needed to put me first in my life.

So I took some time and reflected back on what I have accomplished so far in my life. And really looked hard at what was in my heart. I had to really get into my heart and soul and figure out what I really want and need in my life. I realized in order to find your authentic self you need to really go within.

Once I found my authentic self I decided to focus on what is really important and what feels good. I have to say this time in my life is so happy and fulfilling. I am really content.

If you are entering midlife and feeling like your life is a bit out of control, then know you are completely normal. ūüôā Look at this time as an amazing spiritual time to really find yourself. And you can have fun doing it.

 how to finally really grow upFinding Meaning in the Second Half of Life: How to Finally, Really Grow Up

A book that helped me and I highly recommend is Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life: How to Finally, Really Grow Up, by James Hollis.

This book will help to guide you on your journey of really finding your true self. It gets you to ask questions of yourself that you may have never asked.

Here are a few that really got me thinking…¬†

“What does the soul ask of me?”
“Who am I apart from my roles, apart from my history?”
“What does it mean that I am here?”

Has anyone else experienced feeling sort of lost during midlife? How did you find your true self or are you still seeking?

 

 

Job Loss, Middle Age Challenges, Midlife Crisis

My Husbands Mid Life Crisis

My husband came home and told me that he was tired of his job and gave his notice. I was shocked. So I asked him what he was planning on doing for work and he said he was talking to a guy who said he would hire him to work at a gym with him. So I asked him all the questions trying to figure out what was going on.

The next day he came home and said they told him he didn’t need to stay the two weeks so they sent him home. I couldn’t believe it. He had been working there for quite a few years. I later found out that he was banned from the place. I was shocked. And when I asked my husband what happened he said it was normal¬†procedure¬†for the company he worked with that once you gave notice, you wouldn’t be allowed back.

I thought he was full of BS but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. The next week he started the new job which was an hour a way and I later found out he would be making straight commission.  I was upset because he walked away from a good job that payed great money and this one would be minimum wage unless he really made a lot of sales.

Long story short he quit this new job. And of course the old job wouldn’t take him back. To this day I don’t know why.

And I was angry. I wondered how could a man who had a family to support along with a hefty mortgage act this way.

And it got worse. He couldn’t get unemployment since he quit his job.

As a loyal wife I hung in there and did my share by working my full-time job as well as managing an internet business. An he would tell me that he was looking for a job. But when I came home he would be sitting in his recliner watching tv. This went on for months.

And our savings account emptied out quickly. And I became more angry. I felt resentful because I was doing all the work while he was sitting home watching tv.

So I made an ultimatum. I told him that if we lost our home because of him quitting his job I would leave him.

And just as we were losing our home he found a job.

So being the loyal wife that I am, I hung in there.

His Midlife Crisis seemed to have ended. But unfortunately he wasn’t able to keep that job or the 3 jobs after that and I finally decided that after 24 years of marriage I had had enough. But that is another story.

The lesson I learned is that a Midlife Crisis can cause real damage to a marriage and all people who the love person who is going through the MLC. If you are going through a Midlife Crisis or love someone who is please seek counseling and get help. At least this way you know that you did all you could do.

*update*

The above article was written over a year ago yet I never posted it. But I realized that it could possibly help other women out there who are married to men who are going through a mid life crisis know that they are not alone.

Ultimately, my now ex husband, never got a job. ¬†He actually wasn’t motivated to do much of anything. And I realized that in order to help him find his motivation, I needed to stop enabling him. So I moved out and filed for divorce.

It ended up being the best thing for both of us. He is currently living in his mother’s basement, however, when he realized that I wouldn’t be there to take care of him, he finally went out and got a job. My kids say that he seems happier than he was when we were married.

And me? I have never been happier. I feel like for the first time in my life I have my own voice. I get to be myself and no longer feel like the life is being sucked out of me.

For us, divorce was the answer. If we are completely honest I think we both know that our marriage was over years ago.

But many people are able to save their marriage and find true happiness with their spouse.

If you or your spouse is going through a midlife crisis, please don’t wait until there is no hope, like I did. Get the help you need.

I wish you all the best!

PS…If you have experience midlife crisis in your marriage, I would love it if you could share your story in the comments section below.

 

Middle Age Challenges, Uncategorized, Women's Issues

I Choose To Be Happy. Do You?

Okay, let’s face it. There is a lot of crazy thinks going on with those of us in midlife. I know for me, I have all kinds of crazy things going on with my body. My body seems to have a life of its own.

And my life feels as if it is so out of control. Because there is a new normal in my life. I know for me, my children are growing up and not needing me so much. And for many of us, our finances are not where we would like them to be. Many of us will not have retirement or have lost jobs. We are living in hard economic times. And mid-lifer’s are feeling the strain.

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I Choose To Be Happy:

But we have a choice in how we want to accept that we are aging. And we can choose to be happy even during the really trying times. Yes we are aging. But so is everyone else and there is little we can do to stop it. So we need to just accept it.

I don’t know about you, but I find it really hard to believe that I am 49 years old. I mean I feel like I’m much younger. Where did the time go?

Sometimes it is easy to let all of the challenges in a normal life of a baby boomer get you down. But you could chose to embrace the changes.

I learned a long time ago that I am the only one who can make me happy. I mean, yes, people and things can make me smile. But only I can choose to be happy. And I choose it for myself.

When you choose to be happy for yourself it is a form of courageousness, I think. It means that you are strong and up to the challenge. Let’s face it. It can be hard to find a reason to be happy. But the reasons are there if you look for them.

When I first think about my body, my thoughts are negative…

I could easily look at my body and see the wrinkles around my eyes and lips. And I have stretch marks on my breasts and hips. And I have a bit of a tummy. It was at one time nice and flat.

But I can change how I feel about my body…

Then think about how amazing this body really is. It carried three healthy children each for nine months. That is really amazing if you think about it. It is a miracle. And my body never complained. Not one time.

I love my body…

And my breasts are may not be a perky as they once were, and they now have stretch marks. but they are beautiful to the man who loves me. The look in is eyes when he touches me is so full of love.

I love my body…

My wrinkles next to my eyes and mouth are there because of years and years of smiles. I love to smile. Okay, so I have wrinkles. They make me look mature. I think. But these wrinkles are from years and years of smiling. I think I earned these wrinkles. I will wear them like a badge of honor.

I love me!

And my 49 year old soul is happy too. I am so happy and proud that I raised 3 terrific young adults. They turned out perfectly. And are now going to live happy lives. I must have done a good job.

And so,

I choose to be happy. Do you?

 

 

Middle Age Challenges, Women's Issues

Learning to Love Myself….Yes, I’m beautiful

At one time when I was young I was what people would call pretty. I had beautiful long thick hair and a nice slim figure. I felt attractive too and the men would turn their heads to look my way.

Then after I got married and began to have children, I began to put on weight. And it seemed like I never had time to take care of myself. I was always taking care of the family, running here and there. Being the perfect Mom and Wife.

Somewhere along the line, I forgot to take care of me.

And then I found myself in my forties. I looked in the mirror and saw a tired looking lady. My face looked so stressed and tired. And my body, forget it. I was wearing a size 14 witch actually is pretty average, but boy I felt huge. My breasts are no longer perky. No, they sag way too much. And how come I didn’t notice the wrinkles on my neck. This is what they call aging.?

How did midlife get here so quickly?

I was going through some problems in my marriage and was feeling down when I decided to simply be happy. I think happiness is a choice. So I decided that I would focus on the positive and stop caring so much how I look.

And I made a decision to make a real effort to smile more often. And I would make a big effort to relax and not worry about things that I have no control.

Then the most amazing thing happened. I started feeling better. I was happier. And I noticed that I would smile without even trying.

And people around me started to smile more as well.And I started attracting positive people into my life.

And now when I look in the mirror. I see an older woman who has lots of wisdom and a great smile. I see me and I’m beautiful.

If you are middle aged like me, and not happy with what you look like. Take some time right now to really see what you look like. I hope you realize you are beautiful!

Middle Age Challenges, Women's Issues

Stress and Women

Stop the stress!

Many women find middle age very stressful for a number of reasons. Often we still have children in the home or grand kids to care for. Many mid-lifers are caring for an elderly parent while working full time jobs. And there often isn’t time to work out.

The biggest problem isn’t all of the things we need to do and all the people we take care of, but finding time to take care of ourselves.

It is a proven fact that stress will hurt your health and it could even shorten your life. In order to be healthy you really need to change your behavior and take care of yourself.

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But really if you don’t find time to take care of yourself you are going to find your self burnt out or worse.

There are a few things you can do right now to start taking care of yourself.

1. Learn to say No or ask for help. I had been giving of myself so much that I found it really hard to simply say no. But to my surprise, my family was more than happy to give me a break.

I learned it is perfectly fine to take a night off from cooking or caring for the home. I would order carry out or let everyone “fend for themselves” and I would relax in a hot bath.

2. Schedule time for yourself every day. Make time to work out or take a walk or spend some time doing what you love and enjoy.

3. Feed your sexual appetite. Sexual intercourse as well as the snuggling and affection that goes with it is a great stress reliever. And I promise you, you will feel much better later.

What are some of the ways you relieve stress in your life?

 

Middle Age Challenges

Tips – Feel Beautiful and Young

Blue Toe NailsSometimes I just feel old…

Here are some of the things I do to make myself feel beautiful and young…

Treat Yourself to a Manicure or Pedicure!

Be nice to yourself and have a nice manicure. It makes you feel so pretty. Better yet, why not get your nails painted with a crazy young color? Yesterday I got a pedicure and picked out a bright blue. Sometimes you just gotta have fun and not worry about what people think.

Get Active!

Getting active really does a lot to how you look and feel. Start working out at the gym or taking a daily walk.  I have a friend who walks everyday and he looks 10 years younger than he is.

Sex counts and exercise and having good sex and connecting with someone is a sure fire way to make you feel young again. No one to have sex with? Why not treat yourself to a sexy pair of panties or a sexy nightgown. When you feel sexy you feel young.

Join a Group or Club

Join a group or club. It can be anything. But when you are a part of a group and interact with others it gives you a purpose. People want to hear from you and you also make friends.

Find a Hobby!

Find a new hobby. Is there something that you have always wanted to do but didn’t have time because you were raising a family? Now might be the perfect time to learn photography, sewing, painting…The ideas are endless.

Laugh til you Cry!

I believe that laughter is healing. And it feels really good. Watch some funny movies or do something that makes you laugh. Not sure how to get laughter back in your life? Then spend some time with your grandkids or borrow some ones kids and be silly with them. Playing with your grandkids is a great way to have fun. They are so much fun and are always looking for ways to entertain. I bet they will make you laugh.

What are some of the things that you do to feel beautiful and young?

image: taken by me. ūüôā

 

Middle Age Challenges

Am I Being Selfish?

I think once we hit midlife that we all come to a point where we feel like “It’s My Turn Now”. You know that moment when you feel like you have spent most of your adult life giving to others.

I have felt that way.

I was a “good wife”. When we got married I took care of just about everything. I took care of the house, the financing and made sure there was always a yummy dinner. Then down the road I had children and did a pretty good job at raising 3 confident and happy adult children.

I’m pretty proud of my accomplishment. My kids are awesome. I am proud that I gave them a good start on their lives.

But secretly I am so excited to finally have them moving out of the house. I’m excited to be a bit selfish and only worry about me.

If I think about it for 24+ years I have put everyone else before me. I always got the cold meal. Always went to the school functions, Made the food that others loved. I always put myself last.

Now, at 49 I have discovered that I don’t feel like cooking a great dinner every day. Sometimes I just want to go with the flow and grab a snack or make a sandwich when I get hungry.

Am I being selfish? Yes. And guess what. It is okay to take care of myself first. It was my choice to take care of others first for those years and it is my choice now.

I’m enjoying midlife. And I’m looking forward to taking care of me. How about you?

 

Middle Age Challenges, Midlife Crisis, Midlife Divorce

Midlife Crisis – Clearing out the BS!

Having a Midlife Crisis isn’t always a bad thing. Okay I know it may seem like it when you are dealing with someone who is going through a midlife crisis or you are going through one yourself.

Clearing out the BSOn the one hand, people make what may seem like crazy decisions. They quit a job, start a new business or file for divorce. Which turns their life upside down and make the people around them crazy.

But what if you look at it differently. I had someone comment on an article that I wrote and he said for him, his midlife crisis was about “clearing out the BS”. This really hit home for me.

I mean after 24 years of marriage I suddenly decided that I was unhappy in my marriage and decided to end it. But even though it seemed sudden, if I’m totally honest I realize I have been unhappy for years.

It’s just that in midlife I am realizing that I am a person of value and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life unhappy. Good for me! It’s about time I put myself first.

So in conclusion I think that sometimes a midlife crisis can be a good thing. It really helps you to take action and make some needed changes in your life.

Just don’t let the crisis take you over and you make decisions you may regret later. Take some time to really decide what you want in life.

You deserve to be happy. What will make you happy?

Job Loss, Middle Age Challenges

Unemployment After Fifty

With the current economy, many people are finding themselves without a job at midlife. And it isn’t easy finding a new job out there. A good job is hard to come by. And the few jobs that are out there are often given to the younger and less experienced candidates simply because they will accept less pay.

Unemployment after fifty can be shocking and life changing.

image courtesy of http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/
image courtesy of http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/

Losing a job can really turn your life upside down. Job loss can also be the cause of midlife crisis or marital problems.

After your recover from the shock of it all you need to start getting in the swing of job hunting. But job hunting isn’t the same as it was years ago when you simply looked through the morning paper and handed out your resume.

It’s not so easy now. Now everything starts with the internet. And many people in midlife still don’t even own a computer.¬†Unfortunately¬†now is the time to either get a computer or visit your local library and check out their library.

What are some things you can do to keep positive while you are unemployed?

  • Talk about it.¬†Sometimes it seems easier to hold in your feelings but it is not a good thing. Holding in your feelings can affect your health. One of the best ways to deal with stress and anxiety is to talk about your feelings. And also know that it is okay to be angry.

 

  • Seek help if you are feeling depressed. Being unemployed can be¬†devastating¬†especially¬†if it was unexpected. It is easy to put yourself down or even lose confidence. If you are feeling down or depressed it might be a good idea to talk to your doctor or¬†minister¬† A therapist can really help you sort things out and figure out where to go from here.

 

  • Find a hobby. Now just might be the perfect time to get back into some of the things that interest you. Or try out a new hobby that you have always wanted to do, but just couldn’t find the time. Take advantage of the extra time on your hands and have some fun!

 

  • Start a business.¬†Now might be the perfect time to start your own business. If you have always wanted to fire your boss, then why not take the time now to start a home based business. And it doesn’t need to be a large brick and¬†mortar¬†business. You could simply start Blogging and learn how to¬†monetize¬†your blog. Many people earn extra money blogging. It is a great way to express yourself as you earn a nice part time income.

I like to think of each day as a new beginning. So if you or someone you love has lost their job don’t lose hope. There are many options out there.

Have you been unemployed after fifty. If so please leave a comment below. Your insight could be helping someone else.

 

Middle Age Challenges

This Is How You Text

Sometimes it feels like¬†technology¬†is changing every day. And I’m not sure if I want to keep up with the times. I always prided myself in being a cool Mom but my kids think I am way to set in my ways.

And this is true when it comes to a cell phone. I got my first cell phone 2 years ago. I know, I’m a late bloomer and it was the flip kind. I fought getting a phone for years because I honestly don’t want to be bugged when I’m shopping or out doing things.

I got the phone to keep for emergencies for than anything and to make my kids happy. But then they would send these text to me. I couldn’t understand it.

Why Text when you can talk? I don’t get it!

Well my children who are adults decided to surprise me with a new “smart phone” on my birthday. And they made sure it had a keyboard thingy so I could text them.

Best Phone For Texting…

They added each of their names to my contacts and then showed me how to text. You can’t really see in the picture, but there is a keyboard that slides out so I can type. I discovered my fingers were to big at first but now I can sort of do it. So now they text me through out the day. And I text them back.

This is how you text …

When you text, you can abbreviate words or write in a sort of shorthand. Here is a list of some abbreviations you can use to text. So it is quicker. I personally don’t worry about this. I just type and sometimes abbreviate words. I think I am pretty good at texting.

I’m actually enjoying texting my kids and this Straight Talk phone is the best phone for texting. But I still don’t get it. Why not just call me or better yet lets talk face to face.

So it looks like I am now a hip Mom. What about you? Do you text? Are you hip? Or are you going to stick with talking?