Creating Happiness, Middle Age Challenges, Midlife Crisis

How To Find Yourself When You Feel Stuck

Right in My Soul by Philippe Sainte-Laudy / image courtesy of allposters.com

Uncovering And Embracing Our Authentic Selves

For me, entering into midlife was a time for me to begin to find myself. Like many women I was feeling really stuck. I felt like my entire first half of my life was dedicated to others. It was about making people happy. And often, it meant sacrificing my own happiness.

I put my family first. And that was fine with me. I wanted a large family and I feel like my kids gave me everything that I always wanted. I had a wonderful time raising my kids. And I have to say they turned into terrific adults.

So as I moved into midlife and my children got older, I found, they needed me less. And it was then that I decided to focus on my life. I wanted to figure out who I was and what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.

I love midlife because for the first time in my life I got to be a tiny bit selfish. It was uncomfortable at first, but I realized that I needed to take care of me. I needed to put me first in my life.

So I took some time and reflected back on what I have accomplished so far in my life. And really looked hard at what was in my heart. I had to really get into my heart and soul and figure out what I really want and need in my life. I realized in order to find your authentic self you need to really go within.

Once I found my authentic self I decided to focus on what is really important and what feels good. I have to say this time in my life is so happy and fulfilling. I am really content.

If you are entering midlife and feeling like your life is a bit out of control, then know you are completely normal. ūüôā Look at this time as an amazing spiritual time to really find yourself. And you can have fun doing it.

 how to finally really grow upFinding Meaning in the Second Half of Life: How to Finally, Really Grow Up

A book that helped me and I highly recommend is Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life: How to Finally, Really Grow Up, by James Hollis.

This book will help to guide you on your journey of really finding your true self. It gets you to ask questions of yourself that you may have never asked.

Here are a few that really got me thinking…¬†

“What does the soul ask of me?”
“Who am I apart from my roles, apart from my history?”
“What does it mean that I am here?”

Has anyone else experienced feeling sort of lost during midlife? How did you find your true self or are you still seeking?

 

 

Job Loss, Middle Age Challenges, Midlife Crisis

My Husbands Mid Life Crisis

My husband came home and told me that he was tired of his job and gave his notice. I was shocked. So I asked him what he was planning on doing for work and he said he was talking to a guy who said he would hire him to work at a gym with him. So I asked him all the questions trying to figure out what was going on.

The next day he came home and said they told him he didn’t need to stay the two weeks so they sent him home. I couldn’t believe it. He had been working there for quite a few years. I later found out that he was banned from the place. I was shocked. And when I asked my husband what happened he said it was normal¬†procedure¬†for the company he worked with that once you gave notice, you wouldn’t be allowed back.

I thought he was full of BS but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. The next week he started the new job which was an hour a way and I later found out he would be making straight commission.  I was upset because he walked away from a good job that payed great money and this one would be minimum wage unless he really made a lot of sales.

Long story short he quit this new job. And of course the old job wouldn’t take him back. To this day I don’t know why.

And I was angry. I wondered how could a man who had a family to support along with a hefty mortgage act this way.

And it got worse. He couldn’t get unemployment since he quit his job.

As a loyal wife I hung in there and did my share by working my full-time job as well as managing an internet business. An he would tell me that he was looking for a job. But when I came home he would be sitting in his recliner watching tv. This went on for months.

And our savings account emptied out quickly. And I became more angry. I felt resentful because I was doing all the work while he was sitting home watching tv.

So I made an ultimatum. I told him that if we lost our home because of him quitting his job I would leave him.

And just as we were losing our home he found a job.

So being the loyal wife that I am, I hung in there.

His Midlife Crisis seemed to have ended. But unfortunately he wasn’t able to keep that job or the 3 jobs after that and I finally decided that after 24 years of marriage I had had enough. But that is another story.

The lesson I learned is that a Midlife Crisis can cause real damage to a marriage and all people who the love person who is going through the MLC. If you are going through a Midlife Crisis or love someone who is please seek counseling and get help. At least this way you know that you did all you could do.

*update*

The above article was written over a year ago yet I never posted it. But I realized that it could possibly help other women out there who are married to men who are going through a mid life crisis know that they are not alone.

Ultimately, my now ex husband, never got a job. ¬†He actually wasn’t motivated to do much of anything. And I realized that in order to help him find his motivation, I needed to stop enabling him. So I moved out and filed for divorce.

It ended up being the best thing for both of us. He is currently living in his mother’s basement, however, when he realized that I wouldn’t be there to take care of him, he finally went out and got a job. My kids say that he seems happier than he was when we were married.

And me? I have never been happier. I feel like for the first time in my life I have my own voice. I get to be myself and no longer feel like the life is being sucked out of me.

For us, divorce was the answer. If we are completely honest I think we both know that our marriage was over years ago.

But many people are able to save their marriage and find true happiness with their spouse.

If you or your spouse is going through a midlife crisis, please don’t wait until there is no hope, like I did. Get the help you need.

I wish you all the best!

PS…If you have experience midlife crisis in your marriage, I would love it if you could share your story in the comments section below.

 

Middle Age Challenges, Midlife Crisis, Midlife Divorce

Midlife Crisis – Clearing out the BS!

Having a Midlife Crisis isn’t always a bad thing. Okay I know it may seem like it when you are dealing with someone who is going through a midlife crisis or you are going through one yourself.

Clearing out the BSOn the one hand, people make what may seem like crazy decisions. They quit a job, start a new business or file for divorce. Which turns their life upside down and make the people around them crazy.

But what if you look at it differently. I had someone comment on an article that I wrote and he said for him, his midlife crisis was about “clearing out the BS”. This really hit home for me.

I mean after 24 years of marriage I suddenly decided that I was unhappy in my marriage and decided to end it. But even though it seemed sudden, if I’m totally honest I realize I have been unhappy for years.

It’s just that in midlife I am realizing that I am a person of value and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life unhappy. Good for me! It’s about time I put myself first.

So in conclusion I think that sometimes a midlife crisis can be a good thing. It really helps you to take action and make some needed changes in your life.

Just don’t let the crisis take you over and you make decisions you may regret later. Take some time to really decide what you want in life.

You deserve to be happy. What will make you happy?