Dating, Online Dating

Be Successful With Online Dating

After being off the market for over 25 years I found dating in my 40’s to be very intimidating. I was excited, yet hesitant. But once I got out there I realized dating is actually a lot of fun and it is pretty easy to be successful with online dating.

For me online dating was very helpful for several reasons. First I was able to find out who in my area was available. This would have been very difficult otherwise. At our age it is difficult to find men who are single. The other thing that I totally love about online dating in midlife is that you have time to really get to know someone before you meet them for the first time.

The men that I have dated, I emailed or text-ed with them for a week or two before deciding to meet. And then once I decide to meet, I always make it in a public place like a coffee shop. This way I am not putting myself in any sort of danger or risk. And by the way, I have yet to meet anyone that is creepy. All the men that I have met have genuinely been looking for a match.

As you are getting comfortable with dating in midlife you need to be confident. Please know that you are amazing and there is a match for you. After leaving a unhealthy marriage it took me several months to gain my confidence back…I mean the last time I dated was back in the 1980’s. And I was 100 lbs lighter and had fewer lines and wrinkles… But guess what? The men out there are just like us. They have also aged. They don’t expect perfection.

And one of the things that I have noticed about the mature male (at least the ones I have met) is that looks don’t really matter as much as you might think. Okay, it is nice to be attractive, but it isn’t important to men that you have lots of makeup or have the perfect figure. Most of the men I have dated tell me they prefer a natural woman.  I once had a man tell me that he preferred me without makeup. He wanted to know when he kissed my lips and my face he wouldn’t taste make up. To me, this was a very sexy thing to say. After hearing this comment from him, I knew I was going to be getting kissed. But secondly I realized that I was attractive without my make-up and it really helped to put me at ease and help me relax.

Remember to be realistic. Just like you, no man is perfect. You simply will not find the perfect man. But you may find that person who gives you butterflies in your tummy or someone who shares many of your interests. I look at dating as a sort of interview process. You are screening people in order to find the right match. And that is one of the nice things about dating sites.

Most sites have questions or surveys that you take that help figure out the perfect match. And I have to tell you I have found this very helpful. I have had great success with some of the matches that my dating site and found for me. I was lucky to find a few people that I have good chemistry with pretty quickly but sometimes it takes time. Just take it slow and don’t rush love. I suggest relaxing and focus on enjoying yourself. When you find the right one, you will know it.

I have had success with online dating, and I’m sorry, but I’m not quite ready to share just yet. But I will tell you online dating is fun and it works.

If you are looking for love in midlife, like I am, I sincerely wish you all the best. Please feel free to share your experience here.

You also may want to read Online Dating Success Secrets for Women 40/50+ (An “Online Dating for Women” Guide – How to Find True Lasting Love Online). Yes it is possible to find love online.

Online Dating, Uncategorized

Online Dating Tips for Women 40+ – Your Profile

So now that I’ve been dating online for over a month, I figured I would share with you my online dating tips for women 40+. And most of them I have learned from the men that I have dated!

Here Is What You Need To Know about men and online dating when it comes to your profile:

ID-100105482Men are visual:

The first thing I want you to know is that men look at profiles differently then women do. While women tend to read the profile of a person, men look at the picture first. They will eventually read your profile but only if they like your picture. So if you want to get more visitors, it is really important to put up a real picture of yourself.  And don’t worry so much about how you look. Men are way less critical than we think they are. Just be yourself.

Men want you to be yourself:

When you set up your profile be yourself in an open and welcoming way. Be sure to write the truth. Don’t write what you think the men want to hear, otherwise you will have some disappointed men when you meet them.

Men Love it when YOU make the First Move:

If you find someones profile attractive…DO send him an email and let them know. The men that I have talked to say that they feel like it is up to them to make contact. They tell me that women simply don’t email enough. If you start emailing men, you will be more likely to find a partner or at least get a first date.

Be Confident:

I think one of the hardest part of midlife for women is looking in the mirror and realizing that you are not as young and a “perfect” as you would like to be. Keep in mind though that the men are aging as well. To them, you are beautiful. The thing I love most about men in midlife is that they are not at all critical when it comes to women. Men love women. So know that you are a sexy and beautiful woman.

So when you fill out your profile don’t be afraid to let the men know how awesome you are.  Because you are pretty awesome.

I hope you found these online dating tips for women helpful. If you are doing some online dating during midlife please leave a comment below. I would love to hear how it is going for you.

PS…a good book on the topic is A Woman’s Guide to Online Dating…After 40.

Dating, Online Dating, Women's Issues

Deciding to Join Online Dating…

I just joined a dating site. I’m not quite ready to jump out there and start dating lots of guys, but I would like to have a chance to start talking to members of the opposite sex.

After being separated for over a year, I just feel like I am ready to get out in the world again.

So I joined a dating site as a way of getting my feet wet. In case you have never been to a dating site, the first thing you need to do is fill out a profile.

This was hard for me, writing about myself and trying to describe the kind of person ID-10069423I am. Then I wrote about what I was looking for in a man. This was much easier. Then of course probably the most important part is uploading a picture. For me I tried to put up an image of myself where I was smiling and also where I look as normal and natural as possible.

Then, depending on the site, you choose what you are searching for. For me it is a male within an hour drive between the ages of 48 and 60.

Then the systems with find similar people to what you are searching.

I enjoy looking at the pictures and reading the profiles of men. It really is fun. I am not yet comfortable with emailing them or connecting with them, but I’m sure it will be easier.

I have noticed many different kinds of men looking for different things…and this has me really re-evaluating what it is that I want.

Many men are looking for a serious relationship. You know a wife, someone to settle down with. And one day I do too. But now, no I don’t want something too serious.

Then there are the men who are just looking for a friend to hang out with and if there is a connection then intimacy. This is also known as friends with benefits. This sounds the most interesting to me, but boy scary. I mean what happens if I meet someone who I really connect with and I lose my heart in the process?

Then there are the men who are married or not married and they just want sex. That obviously isn’t for me.

I am finding online dating exciting and scary.

I’m smiling to myself as I write this as I know I would never in 100 years ever thought I would join a dating site. But I guess it is the new way to meet men.

If you have ever used a dating site, I would love to hear about your experiences. Were they good or bad? Is there anything I should be concerned about?

Midlife Divorce, Online Dating

How I Met Someone Online

This post is going to be a little hard to write…

But I feel like it will help others so I feel the need to share it with you. And maybe you can help me figure things out as well…

I am sitting here with my morning coffee listening to the rain and the cars passing by my house. I just turned off Skype and said goodbye to a man who is halfway around the world.

He said that I should share our story with others. There must be others like us. Going through the same thing as us.

As I sit here, ready to pour out my heart to you I can feel my eyes tear up. I’ve been doing a lot of crying lately. But it is a good thing I think. Because it means I am alive. And I’m feeling life happen.

My Story

Back in November of 2012 I said the words and I meant them. “I want a divorce”. I wanted to say those words hundreds of times, but stayed in the marriage for many reasons. I didn’t want to hurt the kids, I was scared of what I would do with my life. Thee were lots of excuses. But my unhappiness beat out and the words fell out of my mouth.

I expected shock from my family but quickly realized that my kids had known how unhappy I have been and my family supported me.

But leaving after 23 years of marriage would be hard.But I felt that I had slowly been dying inside. It had been a long time since I had been help or kissed. I was lonely and sad. I had tried everything over the years to rekindle the marriage but realized that I really didn’t want to rekindle it. This sounds harsh, I know. But I think when the love is gone, you both just know it.

When you are going through a divorce, there is many stages that you go through. I went through them all. I was sad and angry and lonely.

I was hoping to find someone who knew what I was going through. I knew there must be others like me who felt their life falling a part.

So I decided to do a Google search. I don’t remember exactly what the search was but I found a group where there were people who shared the same experiences as me. And I felt so grateful to have a place to vent.

On this site, I shared my story with the group and commented on others stories. It felt so good to know that I wasn’t alone.

Then one day I got an email from someone and I emailed him back and we began to talk back and forth. It was the strangest thing how I felt. It was like I knew him my entire life. I knew what he would say before he said it. I felt so close to him because he could relate to me. He was also in a sexless marriage. Although he was married many years longer then me. And unlike me, he felt that he had to stay in the marriage even though there was no love and he was unhappy. I could understand because I had stayed in my marriage for the same reason. But finally realized I had to get out.

I loved chatting with him. I felt like for once in my life, someone understands me. I truly considered him my best friend.

And he asked me if I would like to talk to him on Skype.

I told him no. Somehow talking to him on Skype seemed like it would give him the wrong idea about me. So we continued with the email thing but quickly realized it was tiresome waiting for the emails and I finally told him okay lets set up Skype.

So we did and I could see his face and hear his voice. I couldn’t believe how I felt. I knew if he was here with me I would melt in his arms. He was and is an amazing man. I wondered what was wrong with his wife. Did she know how lucky she was to have him. And the thought the same about my ex. Wondered how he could let me go.

And so we would talk and be shocked when the time showed that hours had gone by.

He lives in England and I live in the US. So often I would talk with him until 3 or 4 in the morning. Or I would wake up at 6 am to talk with him before going to work. It was complicated but we made it work.

I realized as crazy as it was I was falling in love with this man and he knew he loved me as well.

Which brings about many obstacles…

First of all, He would never leave England. He is a family guy and needs to be around his grand kids.

I’m the same way. I would never move out of the US. I need to be surrounded by my family.

Also he will not leave his wife… (and I knew this going in).

And I don’t want to be alone. I want to date and meet someone to spend the rest of my life with. (And he knew this going in).

We know we will never be together….yet we can’t stop talking to each other everyday.

I don’t think I have ever felt a love this strong. It is scary and sad. Yet I am so grateful to have met him.

So it has been 4 months now since we started our online relationship. And I don’t want to end it. He is such a special person.

Yet I know I am the kind of person who doesn’t want to be alone. I know I will need to eventually start dating.

And when I do, I will have to end it. And it will hurt him deeply and me as well.

But I am the type of person, when I commit to someone I can only commit to them. Even before I married, I never dated more than one person online.

I have decided that after the new year, I am going to set up a profile on a few dating sites like match.com and see what the universe has to offer me.

But I will always love my internet man. I will never forget the way he makes me feel. And he will always hold a special place in my heart.

Honestly, I think he was a gift from God. I needed a friend to help me get through a hard time and to feel alive again. He did more than this. He made me feel pretty and special and alive. He made me realize I am perfect just the way I am, even though I’m pushing 50.

Do you have a special friend or found love online? I would love to hear your story. Comments are welcome and appreciated.