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It’s None Of My Business What Others Think Of Me

Posted by Wendy K on September 7, 2014 in Creating Happiness |

For many years, actually most of my life, I spent people pleasing. I wanted to be the perfect friend, wife and employee. I wanted to be liked and appreciated. I spent many years trying to make others happy. And worked really hard to live up to their expectations.

In the long run, I ended up really unhappy. It was hard work trying to make everyone’s life better. And instead of people giving back, I often found that I was taken for granted and used. Which of course ended up with resentment.

I ended up very bitter and depressed. I didn’t like where my life was or the person that I had become.

I had such anxiety all the time. I was constantly worried about what people thought about me. It took a lot of work and effort to try to be perfect all the time.

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I Own My Life! Choosing Happiness!

About 10 years ago I had a friend. Really, he was more of a mentor. He was a successful business owner who started out broke and is now a millionaire. He and I spoke on the phone and connected over the internet. He did a lot of training for network marketers. Long story short, he really helped save my life.

One day we were talking about my problem with trying to please everyone and my worry about what they thought of me. His response wasn’t something that I expected…

He said, “Honestly, Wendy, It really isn’t any of your business what others think of you.”

But I disagreed. Of course it is my business if their thoughts are about me. But then after a lot of back and forth it really started to sink in.

Someone else’s personal thoughts really are none of my business.

Then he said something that made me laugh, but made perfect sense. He said, “I bet they are thinking the same thing about you.”

So I decided right then and there to stop the worry and anxiety. This became my mantra. I know longer care what others think. I only focus on me and what I can do to make myself happy.

I know it sounds selfish. But remember when I said how unhappy I was trying to please everyone? Well I discovered that when I focused on what felt good to me and made me happy, I ended up making the people around me happier. And people began to treat me differently. They respected me and my time.

I became a stronger woman. I am the one in control. Today I am creating my own happiness.

So, It is none of my business what others think of me!

Today I own my life. I’m the one in control and I don’t care what others think. What about you? Have you ever had to change your way of thinking? I would love to here from you.

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18 Comments

  • Miguel says:

    Hello Wendy,

    Liked your post however have different views from yours and I base my belief in the following saying “You can please some people some of the time not all the people all of the time”

    All the effort in pleasing others is such a waste of time and energy that personally I could not be bothered, life has many other challenges to occupy myself with.

    If people do not appreciate you for the person that you are they are not worthy of your love and dedication.

    Keep up the work and keep on blogging towards a better life.

    All the best,

    Miguel

  • This article really hit home for me, because I to tried to make everyone else happy and forgot about myself. The one thing that I did realize is that you don’t want to stop caring, you just need to learn when to let certain people go. It’s very hard sometimes to be blunt with people because you feel as if your going to hurt their feelings, but if you don’t who really is getting hurt.

    I definitely did not want to be critical of people, I wanted to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I guess it goes back to when Forrest Gump said if someone treats me bad I hang up and try back again because other people have bad days too.

    No one deserves to be a punching bag mentally or physically. The word “friend” is used very loosely this day and age. Sometimes you do have to just let go of certain people.

    • Wendy K says:

      Very True Frederick. I make it a point to surround myself with positive people who build me up, rather than tear me down. And I had to let some people go who din’t make me “feel good”. I focus on being happy and positive. And if it doesn’t fit into other peoples molds, that is fine. Thanks for your comment. Be blessed!

  • Bart says:

    The key to what you said, to me, is that when you stop trying to please everyone, and you take control of your own life regardless of what others think, it actually makes you stronger – and other people respect you and your time even more. If more people realized this, they would be so much better off.

    Trying to please everyone is actually a sign of weakness. You’re submitting yourself to other people’s thoughts and priorities.

  • AJ says:

    Wendy,
    This post really resonated with me. I come from a long line of “pleasers.” I was constantly looking for how I can please others and analyzing my reactions. It was exhausting.
    Some years later in a therapy session, my counselor said, “AJ, why are you carrying a platter full of everyone else’s crap?” Ha! It made complete sense. I was carrying everyone else’s junk, and you know what, it wasn’t my responsibility to carry it for them. Wow, talk about a revelation. I have felt so much better since. Granted, it’s easy to fall back into bad habits, but I’m healthier every day because I look out for my own well-being.
    Thanks for sharing!

    • Wendy K says:

      I can relate so much AJ! It was the same way for me. I realized I had enough to worry about just being me. :) I feel so much lighter and happier now and people love being around me. It really is freeing when you only worry about your thoughts and no one else’s. Thank you so much for your comment. ~Wendy

  • Dennis says:

    Hey Wendy! Thank you for sharing such a fantastic story. There are so many people that are obsessed with what other people think of them. I’m glad to hear that you beat those worries.

    I had a complete change to the my thinking five years ago when I started to learn about Jesus and His love for me. Ever since then I’ve been on a spiritual journey to put myself second and my God and everyone else before me. This isn’t so that I become a “people pleaser” but rather a “people lover”. That I would have a sacrificial love for others like my Father has for me. I have found so much more joy in my life since this radical change!

    Care about others but don’t care what others think about you. :)

    Thanks again for the empowering post!

    • Wendy K says:

      What you say is so true to me as well. I love that you are a people lover. But it really is the reason we are all here on earth. I just love people unconditionally. I try not to judge, because I have never walked in their shoes. I simply love them for being who they are. We are all unique and I love that. :)

  • Sheli says:

    Very nicely said, Wendy. I too have dealt with these issues in the past, trying to please everyone and not actually looking at the big picture of making sure that I stay healthy along the way. Over the past few years, my focus has shifted and has been more focused on my relationship with God, my husband and my beautiful kids. Once those things were back in order, I realized that I was much happier and found that in my happiness, the people around me started to see me differently as well. It sounds like you are in a much healthier and happier place as well! :)

  • Kristy says:

    I try to be a people-pleaser and if someone doesn’t like me I always want to know why. It drives me insane. I know I shouldn’t care, and I do my best not to, but it’s hard to overcome. I agree though, for the most part it shouldn’t matter what others think so I will continue to work on it.Focusing on the good and being happy definitely does have a positive effect on your life.

  • Adelaide says:

    Hi Wendy, for me I think my pride causes me to put so much stock in what people think of me… Or rather what I think they think of me. Our value is so different from that!
    Thank you for the thought food!!

  • McKing says:

    This is a very inspirational post!! Actually realizing this concept can allow people to do what they want to do with no fear of what people will perceive them as! Awesome post for everyone to learn! ­čśÇ

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