Going through a divorce is difficult and it can be even more difficult doing it during midlife. Not only is it a sad and stressful time, but it is a lot of work. And there are many changes that need to be made and things to consider.
One major decision I had to consider while ending my 24 year marriage was the name change after divorce.
There are many different opinions on the idea of taking back your maiden name after divorce. It is a personal decision. For me, I decided I wanted to take my name back.
I did it for a few reasons.
The first and most important reason is that it gave me the feeling of being in change and in control of my life. For 24 years I feel like I sort of lost my self as I played the role of “the good wife” and mother. This was something that I needed to do for me.
This is my way of putting myself first for the first time in many years. His last name was his, not mine. And since I’m the one who is requested the divorce I felt it only right to go back to my maiden name.
His new wife (should he ever remarry) should be the one to use his name.
I had a few people remind me that my kids would have a different last name than me. But although I know it will be a bit weird for them, I feel they will be able to deal with it as they are all adults.
My girls will eventually marry and may decide to use their husbands name. And I have discussed it with them. They understand and support me.
Fortunately I was living in Maryland when I filed for divorce. Maryland makes it real easy to take your name back. It is actually a part of the paperwork. Simply check off that you want your name back.
The hard work which is a pain is when you need to change your social security number back and your drivers licence back. But I’m willing to do the work.
This week I just got the final divorce papers letting me know that my name has official changed back to the original name on my birth certificate.
I feel so excited and free. I almost feel like a new person.
Everyone is different when it comes to how they feel about a name chance after divorce. I think it is up to the individual to decide what works best for them.