I love my age! Midlife is a normal part of aging. Many people fear midlife. I know I did. And it was here before I even had a chance to really enjoy my life. But I’m not going to let age keep me from being happy. Midlife offers a lot of opportunity and reasons to embrace it. Here are a few of them.
Freedom: For most people, in midlife they find for the first time in many years, they have more freedom then they ever did their entire life. For me, with my kids growing up and not needing me as much, I feel free. I love my kids, but it is so nice to finally have a me time. I feel like a butterfly who has come out of a cocoon.
Self Image: I love “me” at 50. I no longer worry so much about what people think about me. I have gotten tougher over the years. I feel like I am what I am. If yo don’t like me, then it is your loss. I feel beautiful and that is whats important.
Wisdom: With age, comes wisdom. I have had lots of experiences throughout my life both good and bad. So now as an older person I get to share my experiences with others. I feel like I really can help younger people. I get to prevent them from making some of the mistakes that I have made.
I’m Alive! Many people are not lucky enough to reach midlife. I am blessed. Every day is a blessing.
New Fresh Start: Okay really each day is a fresh new start, but I feel like for me, midlife is when you really get to evaluate you life and figure out what you really want. You get to decide in what direction you want your life to do. Do you have regrets? I choose to not look at the past in a negative way. I mean without my past I wouldn’t be where I am today. And now I get to look at each moment as a fresh new start! I have been blessed.
My husband came home and told me that he was tired of his job and gave his notice. I was shocked. So I asked him what he was planning on doing for work and he said he was talking to a guy who said he would hire him to work at a gym with him. So I asked him all the questions trying to figure out what was going on.
The next day he came home and said they told him he didn’t need to stay the two weeks so they sent him home. I couldn’t believe it. He had been working there for quite a few years. I later found out that he was banned from the place. I was shocked. And when I asked my husband what happened he said it was normal procedure for the company he worked with that once you gave notice, you wouldn’t be allowed back.
I thought he was full of BS but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. The next week he started the new job which was an hour a way and I later found out he would be making straight commission. I was upset because he walked away from a good job that payed great money and this one would be minimum wage unless he really made a lot of sales.
Long story short he quit this new job. And of course the old job wouldn’t take him back. To this day I don’t know why.
And I was angry. I wondered how could a man who had a family to support along with a hefty mortgage act this way.
And it got worse. He couldn’t get unemployment since he quit his job.
As a loyal wife I hung in there and did my share by working my full-time job as well as managing an internet business. An he would tell me that he was looking for a job. But when I came home he would be sitting in his recliner watching tv. This went on for months.
And our savings account emptied out quickly. And I became more angry. I felt resentful because I was doing all the work while he was sitting home watching tv.
So I made an ultimatum. I told him that if we lost our home because of him quitting his job I would leave him.
And just as we were losing our home he found a job.
So being the loyal wife that I am, I hung in there.
His Midlife Crisis seemed to have ended. But unfortunately he wasn’t able to keep that job or the 3 jobs after that and I finally decided that after 24 years of marriage I had had enough. But that is another story.
The lesson I learned is that a Midlife Crisis can cause real damage to a marriage and all people who the love person who is going through the MLC. If you are going through a Midlife Crisis or love someone who is please seek counseling and get help. At least this way you know that you did all you could do.
The above article was written over a year ago yet I never posted it. But I realized that it could possibly help other women out there who are married to men who are going through a mid life crisis know that they are not alone.
Ultimately, my now ex husband, never got a job. He actually wasn’t motivated to do much of anything. And I realized that in order to help him find his motivation, I needed to stop enabling him. So I moved out and filed for divorce.
It ended up being the best thing for both of us. He is currently living in his mother’s basement, however, when he realized that I wouldn’t be there to take care of him, he finally went out and got a job. My kids say that he seems happier than he was when we were married.
And me? I have never been happier. I feel like for the first time in my life I have my own voice. I get to be myself and no longer feel like the life is being sucked out of me.
For us, divorce was the answer. If we are completely honest I think we both know that our marriage was over years ago.
But many people are able to save their marriage and find true happiness with their spouse.
If you or your spouse is going through a midlife crisis, please don’t wait until there is no hope, like I did. Get the help you need.
I wish you all the best!
PS…If you have experience midlife crisis in your marriage, I would love it if you could share your story in the comments section below.
For the last 5 years I have been asking the question, At “what is the age women go through menopause?”. I had a hard time getting the answer. All the older women in my life seemed to have a hysterectomy so I had nothing to compare it too.
My mother informed me that her mother went through the change in her 50’s. My doctor told me it is anywhere between 48 and 55. She told me, that it isn’t consider complete until you have been a year without a period. Over the last year, I I noticed my period become less regular. Some months would be heavy and some months, very light. Finally I had my last period in November and turned 50 in January. So I would say for me, 50 is an exciting year! I am going through the change. If you are reading this article, you may have been looking for an answer to the question. Hopefully this will help you.
But here is the thing about Midlife for women and the change:
Are you ready for it?
Change is good.
I mean if things were always the same, life would be so boring. Somehow the years went by and we (women) have aged, but we are far from being old. I think it is important to embrace being middle aged. And embrace all the changes that come along with it. We are here, we can’t go back, Why not embrace it?
As someone who is in midlife, I realized that I am not the same person I was in my 20’s or 30’s. I’m different on the inside as well as the outside.
On the outside, My skin is different. It feels much dryer than it used to. And I am discovering age spots, you know those darker patches of skin that were not there before. My body feels softer and not quite as firm as it used to be. I can’t wear the same kind of makeup and clothes that I chose when I was younger. It just doesn’t look flattering. Actually it isn’t right at all.
So I have learned to find my natural beauty. And I realized, I am beautiful. I wear very little makeup. I have found that less is more. I wear very natural colors that are just enough to give me a bit of color and glow. I want people to look at me and think “Wow”, she looks good for 50. I want them to see me, not my make-up.
So generally I only wear foundation, lipstick, blush and mascara. That is it. And guess what?! I don’t get my yucky period any more. Yippee to that. As a bonus to midlife, I can have sex when ever I want and actually enjoy it. There is no worries about getting pregnant.
Most importantly though, as a midlifer I realized most of the change has been inside of me. My outlook on life is so much different then it was when I was younger. I find that the little stresses don’t seem as important anymore. I tend to focus on things that feel good and make me happy. I realized that I don’t care so much about what people think. Actually I really could care less. I am happy and I focus on positive stuff in life.
What about you? Have you noticed lots of changes in midlife other than just losing your period?
PS. If you are looking for a good book on Menopause, check out The Wisdom of Menopause (Revised Edition): Creating Physical and Emotional Health During the Change.
So I have to answer the question, “Is Sex Good During Midlife?” with an enthusiastic YES!
If you are like me, you have probably read that men hit their sexual peak in their early 20’s and women in their late 30’s. If this is a fact, I’m not sure. And honestly I don’t care.
I think Midlife is where all the fun is!
Oh Yes! Midlife can be very fulfilling for both men and women for a number of reasons.
I have found that most men and women find sex during midlife much more sensual and relaxed. We have way less inhibitions and seem to be way less rushed.
First of all if a woman has gone to menopause, then there is no longer a worry of pregnancy. This in itself makes sex much more relaxing and care free.
Another nice thing about midlife and sex, is that often you have an empty nest, which means lots of privacy and alone time with you sweetheart. It is nice to reconnect with your partner. Being able to reconnect and put your partner first is so nice.
If you find that you are in midlife, and you are not experiencing the sexual experience that you want, don’t be afraid to explore using things to make the experience better. Oils and toys can add some extra enjoyment.
And if you want to have good sex but are having some medical problems that prevent you from exploring your sexuality during midlife, please talk to your doctor. There is lots of help for people these days.
I find that sex in midlife is more about connecting with each other on a deeper level.
Is Sex good during midlife? The sex is good and it will only get better.
PS. If you want to enjoy more good sex in midlife, I highly recommend the book, Sex & Love at Midlife: It’s Better Than Ever.
For those who have divorced during midlife, getting out there and dating again can be difficult to do. One of the biggest challenges is in dealing with children or even adult children who are not very comfortable with Mom or Dad dating.
I remember when my parents divorced after 34 years of marriage. When they started dating…I found it very weird. And I felt uncomfortable watching them hold hands with someone else and kissing was really creepy. But I learned to accept it.
It made me realize that they were never going to get back together. It was really sad for me. But I also realized that my parents deserved happiness. So I decided to deal with it. And now several years later my father has remarried and I actually am pretty close to his new wife. My mother on the other hand isn’t really dating at the moment. And that is fine too.
So now I find myself is a similar situation here in midlife where I am beginning to date. And I am getting a bit of pushback from my son in particular. When I sit him down and talk with him, he says he understands and just wants me happy. But I can feel how he is uncomfortable. I think he feels like this other man in my life will take more of my time. Or maybe he is realizing that his father and I will never get back together.
Something that I have learned from talking with others who start dating after divorce is that the girls seem to have a harder time with Dad dating then sons, and boys seem to have a harder time with Mom dating.
I think the biggest reason kids have a hard time with their parents dating is that it clarifies for them that their parents never will get back together. And they may feel concerned about losing time with their parent.
Even though it isn’t true, children feel as though the person is taking your parent away.
Have a Heart to Heart
It is really important to let your kids know that you love them. And that you dating someone doesn’t affect that love. Let them know that they are important and you are there for them. Just because you are dating doesn’t mean they will lose you.
And Remind them that you are a person. Sometimes they forget that we are also people. It is important for kids to understand that you have needs just like any other person.
We like hanging out with our friends just like they do. And we also need companionship, love and sex. These are all natural human needs.
Once they realize that you are not only their Mom or Dad, but you are also a person with real human needs it will become much easier. Maybe not at first…but eventually they will realize that they want you happy and if dating makes you happy, they will lighten up.
If you are excited about dating in Midlife, you will may want to read Rewriting Your Happily Ever After: A Midlife Divorce Survival Guide for Modern Women.
After being off the market for over 25 years I found dating in my 40’s to be very intimidating. I was excited, yet hesitant. But once I got out there I realized dating is actually a lot of fun and it is pretty easy to be successful with online dating.
For me online dating was very helpful for several reasons. First I was able to find out who in my area was available. This would have been very difficult otherwise. At our age it is difficult to find men who are single. The other thing that I totally love about online dating in midlife is that you have time to really get to know someone before you meet them for the first time.
The men that I have dated, I emailed or text-ed with them for a week or two before deciding to meet. And then once I decide to meet, I always make it in a public place like a coffee shop. This way I am not putting myself in any sort of danger or risk. And by the way, I have yet to meet anyone that is creepy. All the men that I have met have genuinely been looking for a match.
As you are getting comfortable with dating in midlife you need to be confident. Please know that you are amazing and there is a match for you. After leaving a unhealthy marriage it took me several months to gain my confidence back…I mean the last time I dated was back in the 1980’s. And I was 100 lbs lighter and had fewer lines and wrinkles… But guess what? The men out there are just like us. They have also aged. They don’t expect perfection.
And one of the things that I have noticed about the mature male (at least the ones I have met) is that looks don’t really matter as much as you might think. Okay, it is nice to be attractive, but it isn’t important to men that you have lots of makeup or have the perfect figure. Most of the men I have dated tell me they prefer a natural woman. I once had a man tell me that he preferred me without makeup. He wanted to know when he kissed my lips and my face he wouldn’t taste make up. To me, this was a very sexy thing to say. After hearing this comment from him, I knew I was going to be getting kissed. But secondly I realized that I was attractive without my make-up and it really helped to put me at ease and help me relax.
Remember to be realistic. Just like you, no man is perfect. You simply will not find the perfect man. But you may find that person who gives you butterflies in your tummy or someone who shares many of your interests. I look at dating as a sort of interview process. You are screening people in order to find the right match. And that is one of the nice things about dating sites.
Most sites have questions or surveys that you take that help figure out the perfect match. And I have to tell you I have found this very helpful. I have had great success with some of the matches that my dating site and found for me. I was lucky to find a few people that I have good chemistry with pretty quickly but sometimes it takes time. Just take it slow and don’t rush love. I suggest relaxing and focus on enjoying yourself. When you find the right one, you will know it.
I have had success with online dating, and I’m sorry, but I’m not quite ready to share just yet. But I will tell you online dating is fun and it works.
If you are looking for love in midlife, like I am, I sincerely wish you all the best. Please feel free to share your experience here.
You also may want to read Online Dating Success Secrets for Women 40/50+ (An “Online Dating for Women” Guide – How to Find True Lasting Love Online). Yes it is possible to find love online.
So now that I’ve been dating online for over a month, I figured I would share with you my online dating tips for women 40+. And most of them I have learned from the men that I have dated!
Here Is What You Need To Know about men and online dating when it comes to your profile:
The first thing I want you to know is that men look at profiles differently then women do. While women tend to read the profile of a person, men look at the picture first. They will eventually read your profile but only if they like your picture. So if you want to get more visitors, it is really important to put up a real picture of yourself. And don’t worry so much about how you look. Men are way less critical than we think they are. Just be yourself.
Men want you to be yourself:
When you set up your profile be yourself in an open and welcoming way. Be sure to write the truth. Don’t write what you think the men want to hear, otherwise you will have some disappointed men when you meet them.
Men Love it when YOU make the First Move:
If you find someones profile attractive…DO send him an email and let them know. The men that I have talked to say that they feel like it is up to them to make contact. They tell me that women simply don’t email enough. If you start emailing men, you will be more likely to find a partner or at least get a first date.
I think one of the hardest part of midlife for women is looking in the mirror and realizing that you are not as young and a “perfect” as you would like to be. Keep in mind though that the men are aging as well. To them, you are beautiful. The thing I love most about men in midlife is that they are not at all critical when it comes to women. Men love women. So know that you are a sexy and beautiful woman.
So when you fill out your profile don’t be afraid to let the men know how awesome you are. Because you are pretty awesome.
I hope you found these online dating tips for women helpful. If you are doing some online dating during midlife please leave a comment below. I would love to hear how it is going for you.
PS…a good book on the topic is A Woman’s Guide to Online Dating…After 40.
I just joined a dating site. I’m not quite ready to jump out there and start dating lots of guys, but I would like to have a chance to start talking to members of the opposite sex.
After being separated for over a year, I just feel like I am ready to get out in the world again.
So I joined a dating site as a way of getting my feet wet. In case you have never been to a dating site, the first thing you need to do is fill out a profile.
This was hard for me, writing about myself and trying to describe the kind of person I am. Then I wrote about what I was looking for in a man. This was much easier. Then of course probably the most important part is uploading a picture. For me I tried to put up an image of myself where I was smiling and also where I look as normal and natural as possible.
Then, depending on the site, you choose what you are searching for. For me it is a male within an hour drive between the ages of 48 and 60.
Then the systems with find similar people to what you are searching.
I enjoy looking at the pictures and reading the profiles of men. It really is fun. I am not yet comfortable with emailing them or connecting with them, but I’m sure it will be easier.
I have noticed many different kinds of men looking for different things…and this has me really re-evaluating what it is that I want.
Many men are looking for a serious relationship. You know a wife, someone to settle down with. And one day I do too. But now, no I don’t want something too serious.
Then there are the men who are just looking for a friend to hang out with and if there is a connection then intimacy. This is also known as friends with benefits. This sounds the most interesting to me, but boy scary. I mean what happens if I meet someone who I really connect with and I lose my heart in the process?
Then there are the men who are married or not married and they just want sex. That obviously isn’t for me.
I am finding online dating exciting and scary.
I’m smiling to myself as I write this as I know I would never in 100 years ever thought I would join a dating site. But I guess it is the new way to meet men.
If you have ever used a dating site, I would love to hear about your experiences. Were they good or bad? Is there anything I should be concerned about?
As a Mom with one already out of the nest and two ready to leave, I know a little bit about what it feels like when someone experiences and empty nest.
Our natural instinct as a parent is to be scared for your child. You want to protect them from hardships and hurt.
But here is the thing. The best thing we can do is let them go and know they will be fine. You know this, because you raised them. You set an example and prepared them.
Now it is time to sit back and let them live their lives. And yes, that means letting them make mistakes and learn from those mistakes.
But empty nest isn’t just about those that are leaving or have left. It is about those left behind. It is about the Parent.
As a Mom, I spend 20 years doing for others. Loving and nurturing everyone and often neglecting myself.
So it is expected that I will be a bit hesitant to be alone and on my own. Especially after recently ending a 24 year marriage.
But I choose to look at this precious time and my next step in my life. This is my time to find myself. Create some new dreams. And make amazing things happen in my life.
Here are some of the things I am doing to prepare myself for an empty nest…
- Letting Go: Even though I still have children at home, I am working on stepping back and minding my own business when it comes to their lives. I step back and let them make decision on their own, yet I let them know I’m here to help in any way. I only offer advise when it is wanted or I feel it is really needed.
- Be Healthy Emotionally and Physically: I am taking care of myself. I am making a real effort to focus on myself and my happiness. My life is no longer all about my kids.
- Make New Friends: I am getting out in the world more and reconnecting with some of my old friends that I have lost touch with and am also focusing on making new friends.
- Find a New Hobby: For me this also means getting back into doing some of the things I used to enjoy doing in the past. For me, it is writing and also arts and crafts.
What about you? How did you handle and empty nest?
It is sad but true… that it is becoming harder for me to remember where I put my things things…The good news is that I read, that short term memory is a natural part of aging. I don’t care if it is natural or not. I hate feeling like I am not focused the way I should be.
Over the last few years I have spent hours looking for my keys, my purse, my shoes and my eye glasses… Do you ever find yourself in the same boat?
So I wanted to share some of the simple things that I have used to help me from losing all of my stuff. (I might be aging, but I can still be smart about helping myself remember). Here are 5 ways you can improve short term memory right now!
- Each item has a home. I make sure I keep my purse, my shoes and my coat in a certain place so I can always find them. So when I get home, I am sure to put everything in its spot before I go to bed.
- Take a picture with my smartphone. This is something I learned from the younger generation. One day while at work, I saw my employee taking a picture of her schedule. And I thought, what a smart idea!
- Keep a notebook. If you don’t have a smartphone with a camera, you can always keep a notebook with you so you can write a note to yourself.
- Use it before you lose it. I try to read daily or do puzzles. This helps to keep my mind sharp!
- Have fun! Okay so I’m aging. I don’t take live very seriously anymore. If I lose something, it is annoying but really it is also quit funny to. I try to not get frustrated.
Do you find as you are getting older it is harder for you to remember where you put things?