One of the biggest secrets that people in Midlife is that often the marriage has changed over the years. Let’s face it as we get older, our needs and wants change. And often those needs are different for our spouse.
The secret that many couples in midlife’s live with is Living in a Sexless Marriage. And there are many reasons this can happen. Often a sexless marriage happens when one spouse loses the desire to have sex. And often the other spouse feels unattractive. The lack of sex can really put a strain on a marriage. I mean think about how it would make you feel if your own husband or wife didn’t want to be intimate with you.
Here are some of the reasons why people stop having sex after years of marriage as well as some solutions that may work to help you wake up the intimacey.
- Lower sex drive or erectile disfunction
- Lack of Communication
- medical problems
Boredom in the Bedroom: Often after many years of a happy marriage we become lazy when it comes to intimacy and sex. You need to keep the excitement going in your marriage but not ever taking your partner for granted. And don’t be afraid to spice it up. Let your spouse know that they are the sexiest person in your life. And even if you would rather be doing something else, be sure to take the effort to be romantic and make sex fun for both of you. Don’t let it get boring and don’t let it stop.
Menopause: As a woman who is going through menopause myself I want you to know that I think sometimes we use it as an excuse to not have sex. Yes I know menopause can cause you to not feel as good or to have vaginal dryness. But there are creams and medications you can try to overcome this.
Lower Sex Drive or Erectile dysfunction: Our bodies change as we age and often this causes a lower sex drive or problems with vaginal dryness in women or erectile dysfunction in men. The good news is that often these problems can be fixed with a simple talk with your doctor. Don’t be afraid to tell your doctor that you sex drive is low or non existence. They can help.
Lack of Communication: I think this is the major reason why most couples stop having sex. They are afraid or don’t want to take the time to let their partner know what their needs are. If you want sex, tell your partner. They can’t satisfy your needs unless you tell them.
Affairs: Sadly affairs can happen during midlife when one partner withholds sex from the other partner. Sexual intimacy is a human need that we all need to fulfill. when the person who you love the most withholds this, it can be a temptation to get to needs fulfilled elsewhere. I’m not saying this is right or a solution. But by communicating with your spouse you can figure out the best solution.
Medical Problems: Many people lose their desire for sexual intercourse due to an illness. But keep in mind often there are other ways you can satisfy your needs for intimacy with your spouse. You doctor may also have some ideas for you as well.
Stress: Midlife is a very stressful time and this can put a lot of strain on your sex life. Often people will tell their partner they are just too tired to have sex. But actually sex is the best reliever of stress. Perhaps you can give each other back rubs or baths. Don’t let stress keep you from connecting in bed.
You can survive in a sexless marriage but you need to be willing to do the work. Open the lines of communication and don’t be afraid to do something different. If you love your partner you can find a way to bring intimacy back into your marriage.
One final point….If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it. The more sex you have the more you will want it.
Please share your thoughts on living in a sexless marriage.