Creating Happiness, Middle Age Challenges, Midlife Crisis

How To Find Yourself When You Feel Stuck

Right in My Soul by Philippe Sainte-Laudy / image courtesy of

Uncovering And Embracing Our Authentic Selves

For me, entering into midlife was a time for me to begin to find myself. Like many women I was feeling really stuck. I felt like my entire first half of my life was dedicated to others. It was about making people happy. And often, it meant sacrificing my own happiness.

I put my family first. And that was fine with me. I wanted a large family and I feel like my kids gave me everything that I always wanted. I had a wonderful time raising my kids. And I have to say they turned into terrific adults.

So as I moved into midlife and my children got older, I found, they needed me less. And it was then that I decided to focus on my life. I wanted to figure out who I was and what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.

I love midlife because for the first time in my life I got to be a tiny bit selfish. It was uncomfortable at first, but I realized that I needed to take care of me. I needed to put me first in my life.

So I took some time and reflected back on what I have accomplished so far in my life. And really looked hard at what was in my heart. I had to really get into my heart and soul and figure out what I really want and need in my life. I realized in order to find your authentic self you need to really go within.

Once I found my authentic self I decided to focus on what is really important and what feels good. I have to say this time in my life is so happy and fulfilling. I am really content.

If you are entering midlife and feeling like your life is a bit out of control, then know you are completely normal. 🙂 Look at this time as an amazing spiritual time to really find yourself. And you can have fun doing it.

 how to finally really grow upFinding Meaning in the Second Half of Life: How to Finally, Really Grow Up

A book that helped me and I highly recommend is Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life: How to Finally, Really Grow Up, by James Hollis.

This book will help to guide you on your journey of really finding your true self. It gets you to ask questions of yourself that you may have never asked.

Here are a few that really got me thinking… 

“What does the soul ask of me?”
“Who am I apart from my roles, apart from my history?”
“What does it mean that I am here?”

Has anyone else experienced feeling sort of lost during midlife? How did you find your true self or are you still seeking?



15 thoughts on “How To Find Yourself When You Feel Stuck”

  1. Hi Wendy,
    Very insightful post and got me to stop and think for a moment or two. As I still have young ones that depend on me, and as much as I love them to death, I know I have to evaluate some things in my life as well. I just have to work on the balance of course not just for my children but for me as well. Keep up the good writing.

  2. That’s an interesting question; “Who am I apart from my roles, apart from my history?”. Many people do have their identities wrapped up in their “roles” either as a parent or within their careers.
    Once their parental responsibilities shift (children have grown) or their careers come to an unexpected end, they often feel lost. I can see how that could be a bit scary for some people.

  3. Great share on how you deal with midlife crisis. In my opinion, it is like a time of finding your true self within you after being held back by life due to commitments and everything. I will definitely keep this article in mind.

  4. Nice written post. I’ve been a widow for 10 years and haven’t even dated. But, I am rediscovering myself. I try to keep learning new things and find things that I enjoy doing.

  5. Hearing your story is like listening to the inner voice of my parents who are way beyond midlife right now. I must admit that, after having my own career, I need less of my parents than I used to and they never seem to be bothered by it (honestly, I don’t really know).

    Mom keeps herself busy with the kindergarten children at her workplace. Dad is very much involved in spiritual activities. I guess they are probably enjoying what they are doing right now after having to raise a very difficult-me for the past three decades 🙂

    1. Cathy, I love that you say they raised you for the last 3 decades. But it is true they are always raising us! I am 50 and I still find that my mother is just fine without me. But when I need her, she is always there. And someone she always knows exactly what to say. I think sometimes we just need our parents.

      As always, thanks for your comment.


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