Creating Happiness

My Thoughts Are Mine!

ID-100231796As I have gotten older I have really become more open minded and much more layed back. I realized that it is perfectly fine if peoples beliefs are different than mine. This is what makes each of us uniuque.

The more I thought about it, I realized that without even being aware of it, I wasn’t thinking for myself for most of my life. And worse many of my belief systems were not my own.

Here is what I mean.

I think that a lot of what people believe and have believed for years are beliefs that were taught to them as small children by their parents, teachers, preachers, grandparents.

And many of the beliefs that we have are good and true to us. But some may not be true to us.

So I made a decision in my early 40’s to become a critical thinker.

A critical thinker is someone who is able to clearly look at a belief and come up with the honest answer to the question “Is this true?”. I like to ask myself this question…

Is this something that was taught to me? Or do I really find this to be true.

Many of my beliefs didn’t even make sense and I don’t know who I learned them from. But in changing my beliefs, I have been able to become free.
For example, I had a belief growing up that I was poor. And through most of my life I believed this. My parents never once said we were poor, but their actions and comments they made my entire child hood gave me the belief that I was poor and probably would always be poor.

I picked up on the fact that money was really tight. My Mom always reminded us that preachers, like my Father, didn’t make much money. Some of the things I heard as a child were,

  • “I’m making a poor man’s meal for dinner.”
  • “We can’t afford that.”
  • “I don’t have the money for that.”

Without even relizing it, I would hear myself saying the same things to my kids. And I realized that I had a belief that I was poor. And this certainly isn’t true.

I think it is true with many people who believe certain things. I think what may have been true for my parents were not true for me.

When kids are young they pick up on the beliefs of their parents.

Here are some beliefs that are taught to kids without parents even realizing it. A child only needs to overhear a conversation to pick up a belief.

  • “If you are over weight, you are ugly.”
  • “My race is better than another race.”
  • “I am not worth loving.”
  • “Money is the root of evil.”
  • “If I don’t go to college, I’m not smart.”
  • “I’m not smart enough.”

I am learning to embrace the differences in others and I want to be open to changing my thoughts. I realize that my beliefs may not necessarily be true for my soul.

When I became a critical thinker I realized I opened up so much more of an opportunity to find happiness. Think about your life. Do you have a belief that may not be true? Or is it something you were taught by an authority figure?




Creating Happiness

What you need to know about happiness in Midlife

Listen up, because I am going to tell you a secret.

This is a secret that took me many years to get. And it took me even more years to trust it. Now I do. Now I’m living my life to the fullest.

Want to know the secret? It is pretty simple.

Happiness is a choice… Yes it is!

ID-10046795It sounds simple, yet it is so true.

The problem is we spend so much time going to work, taking care of the family and doing for others that we forget to live our life.

And as a mid-lifer I know how fast life goes by. I don’t know about you, but I want to live my life to the fullest.

Here is that I learned that helped me to find happiness.

I learned to Listen to my inner voice. Believe it or not, this is hard for many people. We have so much chatter going on inside that we cant here that little voice inside that has something to say.

So how do you hear that little voice? You do it with silence. Meditation is popular because it quiets the mind so you can hear what your soul has to say. But the word meditation tends to scare many people. So let me just say find a quiet place, your car, a warm bath, your back yard….and be silent. Just be with yourself.

After you do this a few times, you will begin to hear that little voice and you will begin to find the answers you seek.

And of course the other side of this is to stop Listening to the Chatter and noise. This was difficult for me. Because I spent most of my adult life doing for others. I spend most of my time making other people happy. I made sure my husband and children were taken care of. And somehow I lost myself.

Stop doing what others want you to do, and do what you want to do. Do what is right for you.

This step is about taking care of yourself first. Do something nice for yourself. It is okay to let others take care of themselves as well.

The most amazing word I learned with this step was “no”. It was a freeing word for me. I love my family. But as a woman of 50 with grown adults as children, I realized I was hindering their happiness by not letting them find themselves.

It isn’t my job to create happiness for others. I can only create my own happiness.

Learn to love yourself. Know that you are unique and beautiful. You are a blessing. Love yourself and you will find happiness.

A few years ago, it was suggested that I look in the mirror at myself every day. And look deeply into my own eyes. I started doing this and then I say to myself. “I love you”.

At first it was hard. I cried. I realized that I didn’t love myself first. But I can do it now. It took time to realize that I really deserve happiness. I realize that I am me and I am the perfect me. I am not perfect but I am unique and I am me.

We I came from the other side I came by myself. And when I go back to the other side I will be by myself. I can’t take my parents, kids or lover with me. It will be about me. And that is why I think it is so important to listen to my soul.

I have learned that in finding myself, but listening to my voice I am truly happy. And although at first my family thought I was being selfish.  They quickly saw how happy I was and enjoyed being around me more. I am much lighter and care free. I like being selfish. Because really my life is about me. I’d rather be selfish than self-less.

I am a happy woman, who is living each day to the fullest. I am creating my own life and living it the way I want. Today I am blessed.

Are you selfish? Or Self-less?

Middle Age Challenges, Uncategorized, Women's Issues

I Choose To Be Happy. Do You?

Okay, let’s face it. There is a lot of crazy thinks going on with those of us in midlife. I know for me, I have all kinds of crazy things going on with my body. My body seems to have a life of its own.

And my life feels as if it is so out of control. Because there is a new normal in my life. I know for me, my children are growing up and not needing me so much. And for many of us, our finances are not where we would like them to be. Many of us will not have retirement or have lost jobs. We are living in hard economic times. And mid-lifer’s are feeling the strain.


I Choose To Be Happy:

But we have a choice in how we want to accept that we are aging. And we can choose to be happy even during the really trying times. Yes we are aging. But so is everyone else and there is little we can do to stop it. So we need to just accept it.

I don’t know about you, but I find it really hard to believe that I am 49 years old. I mean I feel like I’m much younger. Where did the time go?

Sometimes it is easy to let all of the challenges in a normal life of a baby boomer get you down. But you could chose to embrace the changes.

I learned a long time ago that I am the only one who can make me happy. I mean, yes, people and things can make me smile. But only I can choose to be happy. And I choose it for myself.

When you choose to be happy for yourself it is a form of courageousness, I think. It means that you are strong and up to the challenge. Let’s face it. It can be hard to find a reason to be happy. But the reasons are there if you look for them.

When I first think about my body, my thoughts are negative…

I could easily look at my body and see the wrinkles around my eyes and lips. And I have stretch marks on my breasts and hips. And I have a bit of a tummy. It was at one time nice and flat.

But I can change how I feel about my body…

Then think about how amazing this body really is. It carried three healthy children each for nine months. That is really amazing if you think about it. It is a miracle. And my body never complained. Not one time.

I love my body…

And my breasts are may not be a perky as they once were, and they now have stretch marks. but they are beautiful to the man who loves me. The look in is eyes when he touches me is so full of love.

I love my body…

My wrinkles next to my eyes and mouth are there because of years and years of smiles. I love to smile. Okay, so I have wrinkles. They make me look mature. I think. But these wrinkles are from years and years of smiling. I think I earned these wrinkles. I will wear them like a badge of honor.

I love me!

And my 49 year old soul is happy too. I am so happy and proud that I raised 3 terrific young adults. They turned out perfectly. And are now going to live happy lives. I must have done a good job.

And so,

I choose to be happy. Do you?